Green Lantern


Bottom Line: Hulk smash this dumb twit!

Directed by: Martin Campbell
Starring: Blake Lively, Peter Sarsgaard, Ryan Reynolds

Warning: Massive rant ahead.

Ho-hum comic book movie about Hal Jordan (Ryan Reynolds), an everyday businessman who seems a bit rock n’ roll to be the center of a super hero movie. He is given a suspiciously mystical green lantern by a purple alien and doesn’t know how on Earth to use it. So he begins talking to it, and after it fails to work for him, he starts cursing at it. Then, the lantern spits out a ring. Now, Hal Jordan has special powers generated by crappy special effects.

So for all we know, Hal can control the entire universe. But after five minutes, it doesn’t matter. GREEN LANTERN is possibly the biggest misfire of 2011. I’ve never walked out of a movie theater before, but I wouldn’t be saying that if I’d seen it in theaters. I’ve been to bad movies (and bad theaters–you know who you are), and I have wanted to ask for my money back, but I always remind myself I’m better than that. I can imagine my experience going to see GREEN LANTERN in theaters: I sit down for five minutes, and one of two things happen. A) I fall asleep for ninety minutes. (Hey, at least I’m sleeping somewhere cozy.) B) I walk out of the theater. If value B is true, the next thing is I ask for my money back at the ticket booth. The person there obviously hasn’t seen the movie (and probably avoided it for his life), so he says, “Impossible.” I don’t want to imagine what happens next.

When I saw SHARK NIGHT a few weeks ago, I was almost positive it was the worst of 2011. (Almost.) That was before today, when I saw GREEN LANTERN, the bomb that probably put a hole in the summer, for all I care. DC Comics has had their fair share of great movies, such as THE DARK KNIGHT, and awful movies, such as HOWARD THE DUCK. I have to honestly wonder if I’m reviewing the new HOWARD THE DUCK.

18 thoughts on “Green Lantern

  1. Oh my goodness I detest Howard the Duck! I watched it recently and was appalled! Not as quite appalled as you were by Green Lantern though, it seems ๐Ÿ˜‰ I didn’t mind this film, it was okay, but no where near as good as the comic book adaptations it was sandwiched between in the cinema last year. It’s way, way inferior to some of the brilliant DC adaptations out there – I’m thinking of Batman (not Batman & Robin) especially.

    • Do you mean the original Batman (from 1989, not the 1966 version based on the Adam West/Burt Young TV show)? I liked that one, but I wouldn’t call it brilliant. The direct sequel, however, I would, as well as The Dark Knight. As for Green Lantern…I guess I’m alone with this one. It seems everyone dislikes it, but I’m the only one who truly abhors it. Maybe it wasn’t as thematically dumb as Howard the Duck (the film that, by the way, sent George Lucas’s career a bit downhill; he was producer, I believe), but I found it to be an insult a steadily growing genre.

    • Still, it seems you agree that it’s a bad film. I can see why an F would be a little over the top (someone else said the same comment), but my experience with it made me want to slam my head against a pile of bricks. They shamed the superhero genre, in my opinion, and it was (barely) worse than Shark Night, which proved to be the worst by lack of originality and thorough stupidity.

  2. I agree this wasnโ€™t a good movie, but an โ€˜Fโ€™? Have you seen Catwoman with Halle Berry? Thatโ€™s probably the worst superhero movie ever made or 1997โ€™s Batman & Robin. Although that last one was so bad it was kind of good. ๐Ÿ™‚

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