Bottom Line: Hulk smash this dumb twit!
Directed by: Martin Campbell
Starring: Blake Lively, Peter Sarsgaard, Ryan Reynolds
Warning: Massive rant ahead.
Ho-hum comic book movie about Hal Jordan (Ryan Reynolds), an everyday businessman who seems a bit rock n’ roll to be the center of a super hero movie. He is given a suspiciously mystical green lantern by a purple alien and doesn’t know how on Earth to use it. So he begins talking to it, and after it fails to work for him, he starts cursing at it. Then, the lantern spits out a ring. Now, Hal Jordan has special powers generated by crappy special effects.
So for all we know, Hal can control the entire universe. But after five minutes, it doesn’t matter. GREEN LANTERN is possibly the biggest misfire of 2011. I’ve never walked out of a movie theater before, but I wouldn’t be saying that if I’d seen it in theaters. I’ve been to bad movies (and bad theaters–you know who you are), and I have wanted to ask for my money back, but I always remind myself I’m better than that. I can imagine my experience going to see GREEN LANTERN in theaters: I sit down for five minutes, and one of two things happen. A) I fall asleep for ninety minutes. (Hey, at least I’m sleeping somewhere cozy.) B) I walk out of the theater. If value B is true, the next thing is I ask for my money back at the ticket booth. The person there obviously hasn’t seen the movie (and probably avoided it for his life), so he says, “Impossible.” I don’t want to imagine what happens next.
When I saw SHARK NIGHT a few weeks ago, I was almost positive it was the worst of 2011. (Almost.) That was before today, when I saw GREEN LANTERN, the bomb that probably put a hole in the summer, for all I care. DC Comics has had their fair share of great movies, such as THE DARK KNIGHT, and awful movies, such as HOWARD THE DUCK. I have to honestly wonder if I’m reviewing the new HOWARD THE DUCK.